Jokes.. The madman and the pilot

A pilot was transporting a bunch of madmen from
Lagos to a psychiatric facility in Johannesburg,
South Africa.
The madmen were making noise.
So, one of them entered the Pilot's Cabin;
MADMAN: Teach me how to flya plane!
PILOT: I would, but under onecondition.
MADMAN: What?
PILOT: If you can get your colleagues to keep
quiet.
(5 minutes later, the plane was very quiet!
PILOT: Wow!! How did you get them to keep
quiet?
MADMAN: I opened the door and asked them to
go and play outside!!

REAL LOVE

www.facebook.com/preccyloye

A guy followed a girl wherever she went. One day, the girl noticed and asked the guy,

Girl: Why do you keep following me?

Boy: bcos you are so pretty and i think am falling in love with U.

Girl: Really? But you haven't met my friend..... she is prettier than me, and she is right behind you.

(Boy turns around)

Boy: "Are you making fun of me?  there is no one behind me

Girl: (smiles) "no, but if you really loved me, you wouldn't have turned back 

A simple friend has never seen you cry. A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears>>>>>>> A simple friend doesn't know your parent's first names. A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.>>>>>>> A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party. A real friend comes early to help you cook and clean >>>>>>> A simple friend hates it when you call after they have gone to bed. A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.>>>>>>> A simple friend seeks to talk with you about their problems. A real friend seeks to help you with your problems. >>>>>>> A simple friend wonders about your romantic history, A real friend could blackmail you with it >>>>>>> A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest. A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.

lender: you cant escape now, I must collect my money today, .
Borrower: if i kill myself i'll be free from you. He brought out a knife, stabbed himself and died.
Lender smiled and said: if you think you can die with my money, you are joking. He picked up the knife and also stabbed himself and died. Meanwhile a guy was watching from a distance. He laughed and said to himself "these guys are fools" I must watch this fight to the end so he picked up the knife and killed himself. Lol, who foolish pass?

LETTER FROM AN IGBO MAN TO A GIRL.

Hello pretty damusel,I just wanted to let u know dat I hav joined themuvin people. Ndi na aga aga, (the happuningguys).I am Aguiyi international! Importa &Exporta. I ownu plenty of shopu in Onitsha mainmarketi. As u are luking at meso, nne a dim very solid.My containers comes in 20s and 40s every weekly. I hav over 40 boys in my training.Aguiyi is a bigi boyu, I am a muver, I am a shaker. Iyamu a man of timber & plywood. I yamu rich andby d special grace of God, I am the owner of dibiggest & powerfulu boutiqueu can think of. Iemploy one lady to managin it. I can call her wit myetisalat phone; give her query with my mtn; fireher with my glo; and hire another manger with myairtel. I wulu make you di CEO, president, and firstlady of di conglomerate.All di streets in china are right here in my head andall di Nigerian boys dat load market there areunder me. As I yamu speakingto u now, they aremaking plan to crown me eze ndi igbo nile of chinaand by the special grace of Godu, you will be lolo ndiigbo nile of china.Nne you look like egg yolk and for dat, I will kill anyochicha for u.Nne, ego na esi isi na arum. Isend money onerrands.A dim ok! Is it my fault dat I yamu a bigi boy? Is itmy fault dat at my age, I have many boys underme? Is it my fault dat I have plans of making u dpresident of d biggest boutique in Onitsha.I wulu repackage u nne and present u to d world,pretty damusel.Nne m o! Oyoyo m, Egovin nwa!My yori yori! My african Queen, ashanti m! Nwaakworo aka muo! Igbu go m. Infact baby, take me.Your loving faithfully,Aguyi